Book Description:ii
Don't give up. There's still hope for you even if your spouse:
It can feel like the end of the world when a spouse says “I don’t love you anymore” or “I’m leaving.” "I wanted to let you know that my husband has decided to come home and go to marriage counseling. I can't thank you enough for your book--without it I don't know where we would have been. Thank you so much." --Married eight years, mother of two If You Were Given One Wish... Lee and I think of our relationship as if we had two bank accounts in a "relationship bank". He has an account with me, and I have an account with him. Every time one of us does something nice for the other, it's like making a “goodwill” deposit in that person's bank account. But if a person does something irritating to the partner, it's like making a goodwill withdrawal from their account. We have a goal of maintaining a positive balance with each other on a daily basis. Every single day, we want to make bigger deposits than withdrawals with each other. By making sure our accounts with each other are never "overdrawn," we keep our marriage healthy. Using this method, when you've built up large positive reserves of goodwill with each other, your relationship is in good shape. That way, when you need to ask for extra understanding or patience from your spouse, you have enough goodwill accumulated in your account to cover the request. What Lee and I get from this system is we feel motivated to put frequent deposits into our account with the other person. Deposits can be strokes of affection, a gesture of respect, an acknowlegement for something the other has done, or some kind of compliment to the other person. Yes, it takes some effort to establish the habit of making goodwill deposits on a daily basis. But building up large goodwill reserves with each other feels so good that it's addictive. And once you get started it feeds upon itself! As you repeat making your deposits with your partner, you condition yourself and you condition the relationship itself. You find your marriage spiraling upward to heights you never imagined. And as you apply this and my other recommendations, you'll find that you are bonding more to your partner. Emotional intimacy is enhanced, mutual respect is increased, and sex becomes better. And aren't those the things that you really want? "I downloaded your book today and have already read half of it. In the top 21 Marriage Busters, I am guilty of 12 of them. I think that your book is spot on but wish I had read it some time ago (with my wife)." (Later, the same person wrote me the following email.) "Just a small note to tell you that I am back with my beautiful wife, working on our fantastic future...Anyway, our lives are back on track and I am the luckiest person alive. With the kindest regards and thanks." --Married for 12 Years, Australia February 2005 ow to Begin Upgrading Your Marriage Today?As an experienced counselor, I can tell you what to do to maximize your chances of success. I can also help you avoid actions that will only waste your time and energy. It just makes sense to learn what other couples have done who have rebuilt enduring passionate marriages . Don’t you want that too? The good news is that there’s always hope that you can turn your marriage around. By using my system you could: • Save tens of thousands of dollars in divorce costs*, • Keep your dream alive of having a happy marriage, • Save weeks or months in divorce court, and • Save untold stress on yourself and other family members (your kids, their grandparents, etc.) Your spouse’s announcement of unhappiness is serious but it doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. It is, however, a wakeup call to you. It means that you have to take positive action if you don’t want your mate to walk out the door Don’t Accidentally Push Your Spouse out the DoorIt’s important to realize that certain impulsive reactions from you could push your partner to leave the marriage. Don’t blast him (or her) with questions. Don’t overpower him with rage.
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